Body Wars

You are SO bylanna

2007-05-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

bylanna --
[adjective]:

Sexually stunning

'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Glorified Babysitting

2007-04-25T10:41:00.000-05:00

So my first doula responsibilities start today. I am just serving as a sub for another doula who has prior obligations, but that combined with my current job is really laying the stress on thick. I desperately need to quit my current FT job, but my boss (who I suspect is on to me) has very clearly been avoiding having a phone conversation with me for almost two weeks now. It is his own fault if I only have a few weeks notice to give.

Meanwhile, I go to a glorified babysitting event today, as a woman has hired the doula group to do her chores (laundry, dog walking, grocery shopping). At least my foot is in the door!

Doula Time

2007-04-23T10:29:00.000-05:00

Hello! This is a note to explain a switch in the focus of my blog from this point forward. The birth of my daughter was a life changing event, and I determined that I could take it upon myself to help birth become a life changing event for other women as well, so I have become a trained birth support and postpardum doula. For those of you who do not know what a doula is (from Wikipedia):

Labor support doulas are trained and experienced labor support persons who attend to the emotional and physical comfort needs of laboring women to smooth the labor process. They do not perform clinical tasks such as heart rate checks, or vaginal exams but rather use massage, aromatherapy, reflexology, positioning suggestions, etc., to help labor progress as well as possible. A labor support doula joins a laboring woman either at her home or in hospital or birth center and remains with her until a few hours after the birth. In addition to emotional support, doulas work as advocates of their client’s wishes and may assist in communicating with medical staff to obtain information for the client to make informed decisions regarding medical procedures.

Postpartum doulas are trained to offer families evidence-based information and support on infant feeding, emotional and physical recovery from childbirth, infant soothing and coping skills for new parents. They may also help with light housework, fix a meal and help incorporate an older child into this new experience.

I will be discussing my experiences on this site, but I will not be divulging the personal information of any of the women who choose me for their support person. This is going to be a major lifestyle change and I am sure....quite an interesting ride!!

YAY!

2006-10-12T15:28:00.000-05:00

2006-10-12T15:12:00.000-05:00

So now that Keira is turning 4 months, I realised how long it had been since I wrote...JEEZ. Time flies, doesn't it? Today I am recovering from Keira's 4 month shots. Yes, I know SHE was the one bombarded with needles...but *I* always end up just as upset as she does...if not more.

I just started back to work two weeks ago, which already has me in a foul mood. I told my boss that I could not travel for work anymore in the morning...and by the afternoon a work friend approached me to see if I would take a job under him. It is a serious paycut, but I can work most of the day from home which means no expensive childcare. Childcare around here costs more than half my salary, so it hardly makes working full-time worth it. Thank goodness for mom, who will take the baby for a few hours every afternoon.

The one shitty part of the deal was, that I had to pick up the slack from my other job until this new opening was created, so I have been travelling a bit for the last few weeks. Being away from Keira for a full 12 hours is rather PAINFUL (and not just mentally). I HAVE gotten quite good at pumping in odd places now though...including department store parking lots, grody airport bathrooms, and even while driving in rush hour traffic! Keira protested and refused to eat a few times, but when she is really friggen hungry, and when her bottle is heated roughly to the temperature of the sun, she will eat.

I am still waiting to fit comfortably back into pre-pregnancy clothes. I suppose I may still be waiting a year or two from now too, won't I?

Keira talks like a champ, but is a BIT developmentally behind in the grabbing/flipping/tummy time department. But oh well. Mom always says, "No kid ever went to college having not flipped over or not learned how to grab hold of small objects." I hear babies get more fun with age, but I wonder if that is just a ploy to convince us to keep them even after a night of gassy tummy screams.

Better Late than Never: Two Months Ago...

2006-10-12T14:50:00.000-05:00

I am PETRIFIED about going back to work. 80% of my job requires travel. Let's just say that I will be looking desperately from work very soon. I am already running on empty trying to keep the house clean on top of mommy duties. My house is a pit 9 times out of 10. Cleaning up after myself and the baby (and usually Michael too) ON TOP of visitors is MURDER. Hell, if anyone else wants to cook or clean for me...I am all for it!

People laugh at me when I say I was more afraid of needles than of the childbirth process itself. :) I still am. We will see what happens if we decide Keira needs a little brother or sister.

Meanwhile, we are dead set to prove that there is no place you cannot take a baby. She goes everywhere...shopping, picnics, concerts, movies...I do admit, it is a bit more cumbersome when I have to duck into the bathroom with the baby every few minutes. She actually made it through Superman with only one minor peep. Since very few of my local friends have kids of their own, I also have to apologise every 5 minutes for stopping to feed her or change her. I really feel like the odd man out!

Oh yes, I am breastfeeding (I mean free baby food? Who wouldn't!?). It has been quite an experience. That's for sure. 4 days after Keira was born, I thought my boobs were going to explode. They stood straight out, were bright red, and had taken on the shape of lumpy torpedos. I am normally a B cup. During my pregnancy, I grew to a D cup, and after getting engorged, I was easily an F cup! I swear I went to sleep at night in tears for fear that this was what the next year of my life would be like! When Keira went in for her first out of hospital checkup, the pediatrician made me breastfeed her right there in the office. Took off my bra, and the doctor immediately inspected me and let me know I was on the verge of an infection unless we drained my milk ducts. She took Keira's little head and shoved it hard into my boob to make her drain me empty. It was pretty gruesome, but it worked. And she has been eating like a champ ever since! She actually gained 6 oz in the next two days!

I am still a fountain. Keira gets shot in the face almost every time she nurses! She cries, but it is hard not to laugh sometimes.

Owwie

2006-07-03T16:58:00.000-05:00

So yes...it was labor alright.

Regular contractions began at 4:03 a.m. Wednesday. Our little princess tried desperately to come out of her momma ear-first. This bad positioning confused my body and led to 66 hours of contractions (at 100% effacement). After a routine midwife appointment Friday morning determined that I was 5+ cm dialated, I went home to try and take one last nap.

Mike, mom, Becky, Brian and I arrived at the hospital around 3 p.m. I was 7+ cm dialated, and requested the "room with the tub." Almost the instant I sat down in my hospital bed, my water broke. As soon as I said, "I think I am leaking," my brother shot out of the room like a bat out of hell yelling, "Someone help!" He did not come back. :) Everyone else stayed. After a bit of rolling around on the birth ball and swimming around the tub, the pushing contractions began. Soon we were even joined by my friend comebacknikki (who walked in on me nude, in a very compromising position...) 2.5 hours into the pushing, the fetal monitor heart rate dropped drastically, and an OB was called for emergency consult. Debi (the midwife) used the waiting time to continue trying to move me into other positions to relieve the stress on the baby. A flip to the side and a serious push resembling an arm-wrestling match did the trick and the heartrate returned to normal. 2.5 more hours of pushing (in about 7 different positions) resulted in lots of tears of joy and our little girl, with a nice lump above her right ear where she first attempted to emerge.

When Debi stopped by for a visit on Saturday, she confirmed that if I had in fact chosen to have an epidural, then there was a 99.9% chance that I would have had a c-section, since repositioning the baby was dependant on repositioning mom.

No drugs. No epidural. Just lots of hard work. I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone, but I would not change my decision to have natural childbirth for the world.

Labor, do not tease me...

2006-06-14T07:46:00.000-05:00

So at approximately 4:03 AM I had what can only be described as the worst gas pains known to man (I know...TMI, but bear with me here). These continued to wake me up every 20 minutes, then 15 minutes...then by 6 am they were every 9 minutes and I was unable to get back to sleep. So here I am. Drinking loads of water, trying to decide if gas pains could possibly be this regular...

Alright, I have accepted that this may, in fact be labor. Or some form of false labor. Something is going on in my body. Meanwhile I am just sitting around, trying not to think about it...(yeah right!) Wish me luck!

Family Stuff

2006-06-13T17:34:00.000-05:00

My grandmother died Sunday night. She was the last living grandparent (or grand-anything) I had. It was pretty sudden, and I tried to be a big girl about it. I was planning on going down to Atlanta for her birthday this year with the baby. I have not seen her in six years (since my parents' divorce), but I still recognized her voice every time she called. We may still have a memorial for her much later this summer, as my dad is going in for surgery soon and needs time to recuperate. My dad says having this baby is fitting, because now he is the oldest person in his family's generation and he is ready to welcome the new generation. This is the first grandchild for my folks, and I know they have wanted this forever.

My mom has now gone a month without cigarettes. I think taking her to birthing classes made this baby so very real and reminded her how important it was to me to have her smoke-free (a.k.a. stinky free) when the baby comes home. I have been a little too preoccupied with myself to really give her the congratulations she deserves. YAY MOM!

My sister-in-law, after many years of wanting to be a mommy...IS PREGNANT TOO!!!! ANOTHER HOORAY! She has been awesome about keeping up with me about her pregnancy and mine, and she is crossing that ten-week threshold that makes this an almost definite cousin for the little kicker in my belly! I joke that I am contagious...Which freaks all of my friends out and sends them running.

The hubby and sis-in-law's grandpa died a few months ago as well. So it really is fitting that we are bringing the new generation into the world at such a pace. Grandma W is going to be surrounded with grandbabies soon!

8 days

2006-06-13T16:46:00.000-05:00

And yes...I am still pregnant. So much for the full moon and the barometric pressure. This baby is just NOT ready to be born yet. My hope is to go into labor before my upcoming practice presentation (Thursday) . Shame on me. I just have no desire to be anything but lazy.

My mom (who attended borthing classes with me) tells me that I am just preserving my Power (fromthe "4 P's of Labor, Power, Passage, Passenger, Psyche) for birthing. She also says not to go into labor until tomorrow after 11 am. I get such a kick out of people who give me "black-out" dates for labor. Like I can help it. Hell, I have my OWN black out dates! I want to go to Ravinia for one last pre-baby picnic, I want to go to the art fair this weekend, I want to see the truly unskilled, yet strangely appealing Keanu Reeves in The Lake House with my girl comebacknikki this weekend, I wanna do a lot of things. NOT MY DECISION.

Sigh. Maybe this will happen sooner, maybe later. Patience...wearing...thin...

Update: 2 weeks and counting

2006-06-09T17:44:00.000-05:00

So the baby has gradually been dropping...lower...and lower...and lower. Oh the joys of internal exams when there is already a large head in the way of your poor, crushed little bladder! A Bladder that once could consume a 2 liter of pop and still make it through a movie at the theater!!! I actually had to get another ultrasound last weekend to appease my midwife who would not admit that she was concerned at all. The ultrasound showed a perfectly healthy 6.5 lb 37 week fetus that was just hanging out wayyyyy down low.

This week's doctor's appointment...another fun internal... and the kid is even lower! Bean has dropped 2 more cm, and is now wreaking havoc on all my organs below the pubic bone. MEAN BABY!

Possible Good News: Birth is imminent! At least I hope so! Two-four more weeks of this and I may not survive. UGH. The full moon is right around the corner (June 11), and my midwife even marked it on the calendar while I was there. Here we go!?

Baby Shower

2006-05-31T21:00:00.000-05:00

So I finally got some pics from my friends of the most recent baby shower! We gathered co-ed friends at a local brewpub and used the opportunity to eat, drink, and be merry! Now, why is it that everyone thinks pubs are the perfect place to celebrate my impending birth????

2006-05-30T09:34:00.000-05:00

So I recovered (YAY!). Just in time to have loads more work for "home" piled on my back. :) This company certainly does not want me to be bored when I am restricted from travelling!

I will say, this whole being pregnant thing is starting to get old...FAST! Sleep is near impossible, and the bodily functions are all out of whack. It was almost a relief when my midwife told me Friday that the baby has already dropped and that birth could be as soon as 2 weeks away. WHEW! Fingers crossed everyone!

I decided since life as a couple will soon morph into life as a family, that the hubby and I needed one last little trip, so we went camping. Surprizingly, things went really well. Sleeping was no worse than being at home (we brought a nice cushy air mattress), I got out of most heavy lifting of equipment (heh heh heh!), and it was nice to just be outdoors for awhile. The problems only related to hiking. We tried to limit ourselves to hiking on the easy trails, but apparently the moderator of the trails does not exactly know what EASY is supposed to mean! CLimbing down a cliff on a rock slide is not my idea of easy. The hubby was sure labor was imminent by the time we arrived at the bottom of the cliff! Fortunately, the baby is still safe and sound inside my belly!

2006-05-08T12:34:00.000-05:00

ILLNESS

A few days ago I started suspecting that some illness was headed my way. I was just barely feeling a thing for a number of days, which actually made me happy, I figured it would be some minor sniffles. Until...

Saturday night I was out WAY too late (against my will) celebrating Cinco de Mayo. Sunday morning, I woke up and **BOOM!** It was like having a miserable hangover from only drinking juice! I had to miss most of the day's activities. BOO! It does not help that I cannot take ANYTHING besides a few Tylenol in a day to help feel better.

I feel just as bad today (if not worse). Plus, the day is very pretty, and I would SO love to go outside and wander in the sun...but I need rest first. Ug. Trapped inside feeling like poo SUX!!!

2006-04-25T22:29:00.000-05:00

JOB CHANGE

So the hubby FINALLY landed a job where he will not be travelling four days a week. Yay! It will be nice to have help around when I need it, and more than two tiny dogs to keep me warm at night. BUT...this will also be the first time since we got married that we will cohabitate with neither of us regularly travelling (since my travel is restricted from this point on). Will we even get along? STAY TUNED!!!!

2006-04-21T08:08:00.000-05:00

SOMETHING IS FRIGGEN BITING ME!!!

What did I do wrong here? I wake up each morning with new bug bites on my body. I have checked my dogs for fleas, I have washed the sheets and pillowcases, my husband has not retained ONE single bite. I just do not get it. What could be biting me!?!?! I am so itchy! Being itchy and 31 weeks pregnant really sucks.

2006-04-18T09:03:00.000-05:00

Barbara, from this day forward you will also be known as:

Nutty Bushytail

http://cheekysquirrel.net/squirrelname/index.php

2006-04-10T21:17:00.000-05:00

One baby shower down, one to go!

The hubby's family wanted to get together to celebrate the impending birth, so we joined them for a nice gathering at my bro-in-law's restaurant (he is a chef) to munch, chat, and open some fun gifts. The hubby's sister put a lot of effort in, and I was so grateful.

Perhaps the most humorous experience of the whole visit was my encounter with ex-prez Ronnie Reagan. Yes folks, the owner of the establishment is a staunch republican. For any of you who know me, you will see the irony in the photo I had taken with the life-size bronze statue of our former commander-in-chief...

2006-04-10T21:09:00.000-05:00

So here I am at just a few days shy of 30 weeks along. It seems crazy that I only have 10 weeks left, but I am certainly feeling it. From indigestion to fatigue to that obnoxious need to spread eagle when you squat to pick something up...I really look pregnant now. No more mistaking my "condition" on a bizarre body shape!

Along with the shape comes the pregnant lady egotism. "Excuse me, but did you NOTICE that that was a pregnant lady you just cut off?" "Would you be so kind as to NOT smoke POT around a PREGNANT LADY?!" "If you bump into me, I will bump into you TWICE as hard, you got me!?!" I guess as a travelling pregnant person, I run into more self-absorbed businessmen than most do day-to-day, but I still feel entitled to a little slack once in awhile...

(OMG, what have I become? Damn hormones!)

2006-03-16T00:22:00.000-06:00

So amidst the joys of third trimester discomfort, I am having some emotional issues. You see, my mother has had health problems for years related to her cigarette smoking. She had a stroke about 10 years ago and has since been diagnosed with emphysema and congestive heart failure...all of this because of the smoke. She has tried to quit multiple times, and we (my siblings and I) have always tried to be supportive of her. After a lengthy discussion, we decided the only way to get her to stop was through tough love.

I was the only one willing to do it, so...mom was told that if she smoked, she was not invited to any ultrasounds. She held out, until the last ultrasound, after which she went right back off the band wagon. Finally, I told her "smoke again and you are barred from the delivery room." So she claimed she was quitting again. I asked again last night, and sure enough, she admitted to an occasional smoke. I was furious. I told her that smoking was lowering the value of her home, how much it made clothes/hair/etc. stink like an ashtray, and how sad I was that cigarettes seem to be more important to her than my baby. She simply said she was not in the mood to argue with me.

Now I am torn. What do I do? Do I really barr her from the delivery room of her 1st grandchild? It feels cruel, but how else will she learn to take me seriously?

2006-03-13T22:31:00.000-06:00

So it has been awhile. I admit it. I kept MEANING to update this, then I would get self absorbed into something else unrelated.

I need to stop this sitting on my bum thing. This whole pregnancy is draining my energy, and I hear it only gets worse.

A friend of mine is being induced this coming Monday. I actually had hoped to be in town that day, as being a part of her birthing process would be a really educational experience for me. Unfortunately, the date to induce her (she is diabetic and the doctor does not want to wait for the baby for fear it will be to large fer R to deliver naturally) was moved forward to a date I will be out of town. :( Oh well.

This baby kicks a LOT. I am also really starting to show, so it is becoming more and more real every day. I am not reacting like I thought I might though. I think I complain too much. Bad me. This is a very cool experience though...feeling a little alien life-form moving around in your belly, kicking you every time you eat too much. :)

2006-02-14T16:23:00.000-06:00

EMOTIONALLY DRAINED

So the worst thing about this second trimester, has to be the mood swings. It does not help that my hubby is gone so much that I end up feeling like all the pressure is on me to get things done. I am the first to admit that I can't run a two-person household alone along with a full-time job and an impending birth. Sigh.

I am really looking forward to not working for awhile, yet I have over 4 months of grueling heavy duty travelling to do before I really get to relax. PLEASE LET ME RELAX!!! Even weekend trips with friends are starting to scare me! Sigh. There are people who have it much worse than I...there are people who have it much worse than I...there are people who have it much worse than I...

2006-02-06T13:40:00.000-06:00

I made the long flight to Anchorage last night, just to have today's meeting cancelled due to weather. Schools here are closed (an inch of ice on everything) and so I have had somewhat of a relaxing day.

I probably took 15 trips to the lou during the 8 hours in the air...watched 2 movies...got kicked internally A LOT...ate a lot of carbs (I used my upgrades to bump to 1st class, but they still do not cater to vegetarians, and so I ate side dishes)...fun fun fun!

2006-02-03T12:30:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday to me!!!

2006-01-31T22:23:00.000-06:00

So yesterday my boss and I had the following conversation. It started with an email she sent me which went like this:

Hi,
**** told me this morning that she is taking a job at ************** as their exhibits coordinator. Last day will be Feb. 13. I’m telling you this for 2 reasons…first you just need to know. Secondly, the office position might be something to think about with a baby. I am not suggesting you should change jobs at all. I will be very happy if everything works out so that you can remain a consultant.

The assistant position would have to mean a downward adjustment in salary since this is a lower level position, but I wanted to put the idea on the table in case it has any interest for you.

See you at ********* tomorrow!

I did not know how to react at first. I was torn between being hurt, being intrigued, being insulted, yet being strangely comforted that she wanted me to stick around after the baby was born. I actually spent most of the day talking to friends, my mom, and my husband trying to decide how to tactfully reply. Here was what I came up with:

Hi ***,
Thank you very much for thinking of me when you heard about ****. An office job is a very tempting prospect, and although I would love to work for ********** in the ******* office, I'm afraid that ****'s position would not provide enough of a challenge for me or enable me to use the experiences and skills that I have developed during my time with ************. Please feel free to keep me in mind if other local positions come up in the future though, and I appreciate your looking out for me!

Her reply to me was:

No problem. I only mentioned it since it popped up. You are definitely over skilled for the job, but I didn’t want to make any judgment calls. :)

As you can see, I am still taken aback by the conversation. I think it affected me more than I thought it might...

2006-01-18T22:56:00.000-06:00

Telling the Boss

So I did it. I told the boss. The day, leading up to the actual MOMENT I told her, was one of the most excruciating in my entire life. I was expecting the worst. And with my co-workers' past history of sharing their experiences with the "grown-ups" at work...I think I just wanted to prepare myself for the worst that could possibly happen.

I was NOT prepared for what actually DID happen.

My boss LEPT UP from her chair, squealed, and threw her arms around me. She told me to wipe my teary eyes and celebrate dammit. She mentioned that everyone was wondering if I had just "ballooned up" after the holidays. She even mentioned other, less travel intensive opportunities at the office. WOW. Was that a relief or WHAT! :)

2006-01-11T10:03:00.000-06:00

Stress stress stress....

I don't know how related to pregnancy this post will be, but it feels like these days it connects to everything I do. Work sucks. I cannot concentrate...actually, I am not motivated to concentrate is more like it. My travel schedule is barely existant and I am just plain mentally exhausted. I am bored. I would rather surf the net and explore baby stuff than complete my tasks. I was burnt out before I got pregnant. Maybe that is one thing that let me know that having this baby was the right thing to do...I needed a life change.

A friend of mine from work resigned yesterday. She has a four-month-old at home, and the pressure our company was putting on her to travel full-time right away was too much for her. This angers me for so many reasons. I have always known that our company was not entirely family friendly. Most of the execs are either childless, or old enough that the family has left the roost. Every pregnancy or adoption in the time I have been there has been met with disdain and comments such as "so what exactly are you going to do about this?" I understand that we have traveling jobs, and families do not merge well with them. But the least they could do is congratulate us for our new blessings. I think I have been sorely lacking in congratulations and enthusiasm. So much so, that I was nervous about letting too many people in my personal life know about the baby. Why is it that America is so anti family!?!?! Why does having a baby have to be the end of one's life!?!?! This is the start of something wonderful, I know it. I think one has to be visably pregnant before people start really getting excited. I think it really seems real at that point. I hope...

I suppose my emotional state has been exacerbated by the fact that my mother was taken to the emergency room last night with shortness of breath, numbness and vomiting. She was on a business trip and this happened right before a training she was supposed to manage began. Work has been stressful for her...her boss is a total screaming banshee nightmare. I think I am going to make her move in with me for the week...force her to take the rest of the week off of work. No more trading health for work. I did it for the last two years, but I am not even 30 yet. She is over 60 and is not in the best shape, having had a stroke and congestive heart failure. I want her to live to see this damn baby! And more than just see it! This baby needs a grandma.

I guess this post did end up being about pregnancy...I told you. Everything leads back to this baby somehow. :)

2006-01-09T16:57:00.000-06:00

Job Woes

So, with my first work assignment "post-pardum," it looks like the ever frightening day has come when I have to tell the boss about this baby. I was hoping I would be able to hold off until...say, a month before birth? Guess not. I am petrified and have been procrastinating as much as humanly possible. I was a witness to the last (and ONLY other) pregnant consultant telling the big boss...who politely replied "Oh really? So what do you expect to do?"

NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS!!! NEED ENCOURAGEMENT!!!

2006-01-06T09:25:00.000-06:00

The one time in my life where I will let the world gaze upon my tummy blubber!

Here I am at 15 wks...(last week) and this is the LAST time I will be wearing THIS skirt)

2006-01-06T08:53:00.000-06:00

Yoga for the Faint at Heart

I went to yoga last night for the first time since knowing I was pregnant, and it was hialrious. The teacher there was the person I was dreading it would be. He is the kind of guy that gets through his set in the first 20 minutes because he is going so fast that he has to ad lib the rest of the class...meanwhile we are all gasping to keep up.

He is this flamboyant, yet serious guy, who is very stoic until we all get something that is rather challenging, then a high pitched "Oh my gosh, you all did it! Yay!" It cracked me up. What also cracked me up was modifying all my moves to not:

lay on my back
lay on my front
put pressure on my abdomen
twist too hard
over extend any muscles

The friend who went with me got a laugh or two out of my attempts to do simplified (aka: wimpy) moves. Apparently there is a pregnancy hormone that acts as a muscle relaxer, and so pulling muscles can happen without mw even knowing. Sigh. Oh well. It was fun to get out of the house.

2006-01-04T15:17:00.000-06:00

Lonely

So my husband was assigned an out-of-town gig for work, even though he was promised the opportunity to stay close to home until der bebe is born. As a sympathy gift, and in order to make sleeping more comfortable (since I have to sleep on my side and M has been my side-sleeping prop for the last month), we went out last night and bought this:

My life has reached a point where getting a giant body pillow is really exciting. Kill me. Kill me now.

I must admit it is comfy as heck...

Snoogle, AKA "Surrogate Husband"

2006-01-04T15:09:00.000-06:00

End of (Holi)Days

I survived the holidays, barely. Moodiness is part of this process...and I have the right to be bitter about all kinds of things for the next six months.

Meanwhile, I recieved all kinds of maternity gear for Xmas. Hooray for registering for baby junk pre-Xmas! The family on both sides pitched in for a few pieces of baby furniture, which rocked my world. I got some gift cards too. I would much rather have gift certificates for pricey baby stuff than gift certificates for crate and barrel that may never get used. Hooray. My friends also got me some non-baby stuff, reminding me that I am important too. I think I had forgotten...Yay! Thank you!

2005-12-13T16:55:00.000-06:00

So don't you think it looks like me?!?!?

2005-12-13T11:54:00.000-06:00

WHOA!!! We just came back from the 12 week ultrasounds and BOOM...we have ten fingers and a cute little nose!!!! What a sweet little 2.5 inch ball of cuteness! I am in love already!

What I do not love is the excess weight I have gained. I was scolded by my midwife today. :-P I shall be glorious in my chubbyness!

2005-11-16T04:18:00.000-06:00

The Tale of Sciatica and and the Fire Drill

So yesterday, at my midwife appointment, I described this shooting bain in my left buttock to the nurse. She diagnosed me with sciatics, which is essentially a pinched nerve in my leg that really can only improve with exercises and physical therapy. So last night, as I prepared to do some yoga and the exercises, the pain was so bad that I yelped and yelped and was stuck standing in the middle of the room. Eventually, when M. finally got back inside from playing music, I was squinchy-faced and sitting in a pile on the couch. He had to take me up stairs, as every step shot pain into my back like I have NEVER felt.

It will be no surprize to many of you, that I had a business trip to go on today. I arrived early enough to get a short nap in while waiting for my colleagues to retrieve me for our meeting this evening. As promised in the title, this is where the fire drill comes in. Sure enough, a loud piercing scream from the speakers in the room and hallway were a rude awakening from the REM I had just reached. I shot out of my room with my coat (it is 13 degrees in Nebraska)and ran around the hallways looking for an exit. The maids had shut all the hallway dors that led to exits, so myself, and two other hotel guests ran around trying to find an exit, any exit. The signs read nowhere, and then I was forced to run down 7 flights of stairs (my butt on FIRE, but adrenaline surging into me to save my life) into the FREEZING cold afternoon. By then, people were heading back INTO the hotel, as this was apparently a false alarm. Someone had PULLED the alarm. IN A HILTON!!! C'mon! Please! What kind of jackass does something like that!?!

Now I will be really pretty for my meeting this afternoon. Sigh.

2005-11-14T14:15:00.000-06:00

I just consummed a family-sized bag of M&Ms. Boy oh boy am I in trouble...

2005-11-09T11:13:00.000-06:00

My back is on fire.

I was forced to lift some heavy things yesterday for work and pulled ALL KINDS OF MUSCLES in my back. Boo. Sad. The worst thing is, I am not allowed to take any medication, so I shall be forced to deal with the pain as-is. UG.

The prospect of spending the next 32 weeks free of all pain killers, alcohol, caffeine, and cleaning supplies is very alien to me. I can't lift anything. I can't clean the litterbox. Hey, wait...maybe this is not as bad as I thought....

2005-11-08T05:27:00.000-06:00

Food sucks. Blargh. Why must one eat to survive? It is a cruel trick of nature. :(

2005-11-04T10:21:00.000-06:00

We heard a heartbeat!

But this little creature looks like an ear. Is this a preview of what is to come? Will this child be born an enormous ear? With nick names at school like "Dumbo" or "Kid that looks like an ear"?

2005-11-03T13:30:00.000-06:00

NAUSEA

This has got to be the worst part of this whole experience. I cannot even think about food without dry heaving. A friend of mine invited me over for dinner in a few nights, and I remember thinking "Whatever it is, please do not make squash (lurch)...anything but (lurch) squash!" Well guess what? We are having butternut squash and beet soup! Oh boy! With Pumpkin pie for dessert. Had this been any other time in my life, I would have happily gorged on said vittles, but two vareities of squash at one sitting is almost more than I can take right now.

And she is such a good cook too. HRMPH! MORNING SICKNESS GO AWAY!!!

I also am having issues not telling people that I am pregnant. I had no clue I would feel a certain amount of fear in telling people. I mean, this is a major life-changing event. Once you have that baby, things are never the same. I suppose it does not help that most of my friends are not at a point in their lives that they are even thinking about having children. So what do I do? Will those friendships survive the test of parenthood? I really hope so. I have only told those folks closest to me. I don't want to be the froo froo soccer mom that we all make fun of. I want to be the cool mom that still has a life outside of her chilluns. Sigh. That is all.

2005-10-30T11:33:00.000-06:00

UGH

The first trimester feels like a neverending bout of PMS. I am bloated. I am grumpy. I am crampy. I go from being starving one minute to being nauseous the next. I want chocolate. I want to cry. My moods are SWINGING. Boy, this is fun fun fun.

2005-10-28T09:04:00.000-05:00

YOLK SAC

I had a 6 weeks ultrasound yesterday, at which the technician informed me that, in fact, I was only 5 weeks pregnant. Sigh. At least there was something in there. At the ultrasound in the emergency room 10 days ago, there was nothing visible. Today, we saw...THE YOLK SAC! So I had no idea there even WAS a yolk sac. In fact, it was a little freaky, but pretty cool. I am scheduled to go in next week to see if the yolk sac is actually attached to a baby. We should then be able to see a heartbeat.

My husband was kind of disappointed that there was nothing more to see. At this point, my hormones raged out of control and I decided I was furious that he was so pessimistic. For crying out loud...he said "lots of pregnancies never see it through the first trimester." I am thinking to myself, "What the hell? Are we ever going to be happy about this? So many people have such a hard time concieving, we didn't even have to try!"

HRMPH. Boys. They need schooling in how NOT to upset the pregnant wife.

2005-10-23T20:53:00.000-05:00

MIDWIFE

So I woke up still spotting, only this time, it was joined by a fun clot of blood. Sure that I was dying, I called and made an emergency appointment with a midwife. I had no idea I was setting myself up for a lot more poking, prodding and invasive exams before she told me she did not want to be concerned yet. I had another pelvic, more blood drawn, and future appointments set.

In the end, she seemed like a nice lady, very much a plump, grey-haired ex-hippy, with a nice face. The nurses were all nice,and every time I call this place they are so helpful. I think I may stick with these folks!

When I was bleeding originally, I called a number of different places. Some of them even told me they could not help because I had never had an appointment there before. JERKS. So the moral of the story is, mean people suck. Nice people rool. And nice people get my business.

Update: Blood tests came back good...looks like this baby really wants to be born.

2005-10-18T13:01:00.000-05:00

The ER

I have not been to the ER since I was a little girl. Even then, I am not sure that was a real ER, but rather a clinic in our neighborhood. Scary. My neighbor stayed with me as long as she could. I could not get ahold of my hubby (he picked a HELL of a day to leave his cell phone at home), so I called my mom. She managed to get an email out to the hubby and both raced to see me about an hour before I was released. I was poked, prodded, and tested for all kinds of wonderful things. Highlights of the day:

-peeing in a cup and carrying that around the ER looking for my nurse
-having nearly a pint of blood violently extracted and sent off for testing
-having a pelvic exam in front of some med students AND my poor neighbor
-having the urinalysis tell me I was not pregnant...then three hours later having a blood test confirm that I AM pregnant (MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!)
-waiting 7 hours to go to ultrasound, only to have to have an INTERNAL ultrasound...again in front of some med students
-These cute little old men who are "volunteers" at the ER brought me some icewater (the only nurishment I had consumed during the day) only to have me spill ice cold water all over myself
-getting kicked out of my room and spending most of the day in the hall of the ER trying not to make eye contact with strangers

Finally, I left, and went to my favorite veggie restaurant to wolf down a Santa Fe Salad. Then I proceeded to discover the joys of pregnancy nausea. What a productive day!

2005-10-18T12:17:00.000-05:00

So, the week before last I suffered from perhaps the worst PMS known to man. I was crampy, grumpy, bloated, my boobs were so raw and I regularly burst into tears for no good reason at all. I even had a dinner conversation with my good friend A about how I wish my period would com already and provide me with SOME kind of relief. As though my body were listening to my cries, I started spotting on Saturday. I spotted Sunday. I spotted Monday.

ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE SPOTTING!!! So I did a little internet search...and guess what? Spotting is a common sign of early pregnancy. Deciding not to panic, I spend Monday lunch hour swinging by the local pharmacy to grab the cheapest EPT I could find. Sure enough...TWP LINES APPEARED. I panicked. Choking back 1000 emotions I called my doctor, to ask what the hell to do now. I had no idea. I did not help that her nurse came back to the phone insisting I go to the ER right away.

As I took off for the hospital, I realized, I didn't even know where the heck it was...so I ran to my neighbor's house to get some directions. She panicked right along with me, and insisted she be my chaperone. I didn't realize until that point how out of control I was. I was sobbing all the way to the emergency room.